Thanks to Julie Painter of Events by Jules for answering this week’s RSVP-related questions!
Q: We invited one person, with just his name written on the envelope, and we got a response of his name “and guest” attending! What should we do?
A: Always stay true to your original guest list. Inviting an extra guest (or more!) to someone else’s wedding is nothing less than rude, so don’t lose sleep over offending this person. Call up the original invitee and tell him how happy you are that he is coming, but, unfortunately, you just can’t accommodate any more than the people you invited. If they offer to pay for the extra dinner (and many do), hold your ground. You can cite maximum occupancy laws or, tell the truth: you’ve invited only your very nearest and dearest and you’d like their help in keeping it to that.
Q: What should I do with a guest who cancels the day before my wedding or just doesn’t show up, and then gives a weak excuse or none at all?
A: The audacity of people never ceases to amaze. Not only can a no-show throw off table numbers, but they waste money you carefully allotted to them. Even if their excuse is truly legitimate (a babysitter gets cancelled, travel woes, etc. – and we do get it, life happens!), your guest may decide it would be better not to disturb you on the morning of your wedding. If the guest still sends a gift—as is proper—your thank-you note could include a line about how much you missed them on your big day. This will make you feel better (and perhaps teach the guest a lesson). If you are so hurt you can’t stop thinking about the slight, let the guest know it, but not in anger, nor while intoxicated!
Q: My fiancé and I are trying to pare down our guest list – who gets plus ones and who doesn’t?
A: Besides married couples, the general rule of thumb is that if someone is engaged or living with their significant other, they get an automatic invite for their partner. Every other person in a relationship can be on a case-by-case basis. Your high school friend that you often double date with? Plus one. Your cousin’s boyfriend of two weeks? Doesn’t need an invite. I always suggest that if you’re inviting a friend that will know absolutely no one else in attendance, it’s a very nice gesture to let them bring a guest. Inviting a whole table of co-workers though? They know each other, so they don’t need dates.
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